Zacchaeus vs the Odd Man
in Tunk (*Zacchaeus rules), best of 3
*Zacchaeus rules tunk
There are many variations of the game of tunk, but the rules are simple. Players start with five cards and to win, they attempt to reach fifty points with all face cards; or they can spread all of their cards by creating a book of three of the same card in different suits, or a run of three cards of the same suit; or they can collect the lowest value cards and show their hands. Zacchaeus’s preferred rules for tunk include eliminating the big tunk, or reaching fifty points with face cards, so as to prolong the game and make wagering more interesting. Also, when the stockpile where players draw cards is exhausted, he has the dealer of the hand shuffle the discard pile and this becomes the new deck, rather than automatically counting up points; though, players reserve the option to show their hands if they believe they have the low tunk, or cards with the lowest value. In Zacchaeus’s opinion, these modifications emphasize skill over luck, though luck is a big part of any card game. Zacchaeus has demonstrated that he can win with any rules of tunk and his preferred rules are the chosen ones at his grandmother’s table because he is undefeated. At Mavis Turner’s table, the winner has the privilege of calling the rules for the next game.
Game 1:
An ace and six of spades, three of diamonds, seven of clubs, and eight of hearts. A nine of clubs is faceup to start the discards.
Not much doing, Zacchaeus thinks, and he eyes the eyes on him across the table. They are at his grandmother’s table in her exclusive backroom of the Turner family bar known as the Canned Heat. The room is mostly dark but there are golden circles of light suspended from the ceiling that give the room an ancient glow. Even during daylight hours, the room is sealed off from any outside light, so once inside, it can be easy to forget the time of day. The table of Mavis Turner is large enough to accommodate ten players. There are chairs and benches for spectators against the dark, wooden walls, and enough standing room that under normal circumstances, the room can become more raucous than the bar’s main room.
There are just two men in the backroom now. Zacchaeus questions the humanity of the other man. His shortly cut hair looks like a cap on his head that is slightly askew. There is something very strange about his facial features that are standard, but seem slightly too small for the size of his head. His eyes never blink in unison, either, one always seems to close before the other, though this is a detail that is easy to miss if you’re not studying the man as closely as Zacchaeus does. The man’s skin is tan under the golden circles of light and occasionally, it appears as though he twitches, sometimes at his cheeks, other times on his forearms.
Despite his odd appearance, the man is smiling. He looks at the five cards in his hand and his smile doesn’t change. He picks a card from the deck in the middle of the table between them, then he discards a Jack of clubs.
“Your grandmother is a monster,” the man says. His eyebrows are arched in anger, but there is a smile at his lips. “And you can trust me when I say that, I know something about monsters.”
Zacchaeus lifts an eyebrow at the man as he draws a card from the deck. An ace of diamonds. He discards the seven of clubs.
“You keep talking shit, I’ma hit you so hard you gone stop twitching. Pick a card.”
“Ohh, dear,” the man says tauntingly, “where’s the decorum?”
The man draws a card from the deck, and discards it. It is a two of hearts.
“Mavis Turner always shows manners at the table,” the man continues. “She saves the violence for well after the game.”
Zacchaeus chuckles, “You think if you called my grandma a monster to her face at this table she wouldn’t bash yo head open with a sock full’a nickels? Hoo, boy, you don’t know Mavis Turner!”
“Mrs. Turner knows what she is,” the man says. “She’s not a delusional woman.”
Zacchaeus draws a card, six of hearts. He eyes his hand, then looks up at the man. He is still smiling in a way that suggests he knows more than Zacchaeus.
“You shouldn’t speak ill of those who show you mercy,” Zacchaeus says.
“This is mercy?” the man says and throws his head back in laughter.
His Adam’s apple is prominent, too prominent from Zacchaeus’s vantage and it looks like something inside of his thick neck is struggling to emerge.
“She didn’t kill you,” Zacchaeus says, trying to ignore the man’s grotesque movements until he is sitting normally, or as normal as he can manage. “You lost, you made the bet. The Deck demands its prize. But you talked yourself into this best of three, that seems like mercy to me.”
“A best of three in tunk against the Zacchaeus, the legendarily undefeated tunk player with the fastest hands in Mississippi, that’s a mercy?”
The man puts his elbows on the table and Zacchaeus watches the skin of his arms move in an unnatural way, like it slides over his muscle and bones.
“It’s on you,” the man says and he grins at Zacchaeus who tries to hide his disgust or fascination at the man’s odd body.
Zacchaeus discards the eight of hearts.
“When you lose this one,” he says, “you won’t die if you give me what I want. And you at least got the chance to walk away from here with your life and your secrets intact. That’s mercy.”
The man eagerly picks up the eight of hearts from the discard pile, then spreads with it and the eight of spades and clubs.
“Letting me win would be real mercy,” the man says gleefully, but his joy is undercut by the unmoving position of his eyebrows that are still at severe angles.
The man discards an Ace of spades, which Zacchaeus picks up and spreads with his two Aces. He discards the three of diamonds.
“Why did you make the bet if you weren’t ready to pay the price?”
“Because, I am aware of your grandmother’s secret…”
“Secret?” Zacchaeus laughs. “Niggas come here from all over to try their luck against my grandma’s deck.”
“Yes, that is how I came to know of Mavis Turner, she is legend. And legends are an obfuscation of reality. Those who know of Mrs. Turner, know of her skill at all things involving a deck of cards, and they know that she makes very high-stakes bets. The cost of losing is high, so the reward for winning must be worth the potential cost. She lets players name their price, and she never goes back on her word. I had to understand how this works, why she does it. You said earlier, ‘the Deck demands it’s prize.’ What did you mean by that?”
Zacchaeus shrugs, “That’s what Mavis say. You dumb enough to bet your life on a card game, for anything, you deserve to lose it.”
“It seems that even Zacchaeus, the legend in the making, is in the dark about the true source of his grandmother’s power. Do you think that she would have killed me herself if I hadn’t been able to talk my way into this game?”
The man draws a King of spades and discards it. Zacchaeus draws a ten of diamonds that he discards.
Zacchaeus eyes the man. This conversation is strange considering the circumstances. He had just lost a poker game to Mavis Turner, a game that Zacchaeus had engineered with the hopes of extorting the man, just as things had occurred. But the man doesn’t reek of fear like men normally do after an encounter with Mavis Turner.
“She wouldn’t have killed me,” the man says as he draws a Queen of diamonds that he discards. “The enchantment of her deck would have consumed me.”
Zacchaeus laughs uncontrollably. He points at the man who looks shocked.
“That ain’t what that mean,” Zacchaeus says when he regains his composure. “You talking about the Enchanted Deck? That old raggedy set she always play with? It’s magical ’cause she don’t ever lose with it. It’s lucky, the cards can’t kill you.”
The man smirks.
“You should really talk to your grandmother. Because of the magic she utilizes, I wanted to see if she could grant a wish of mine, something physically very difficult to complete. I’d hoped she could use her magic to bring my family to be with me, but maybe what you say is true as well and her luck was just better than mine.”
Zacchaeus draws a six of clubs and spreads.
“That’s one.”
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