“It’s not a coincidence, people get crazy when the world gets turned upside down.” Brad is an alarmist, and if not for the vision of him shirtless, I would have thrown him away as annoying. “The closer we get to real freedom, the more people will do anything to drag us back, in the name of divine inspiration.” He thinks he’s smarter than he is, but I will admit that he is a good listener. I love his ears. They are thick and I love to finger the cartilage at the tips. He listens to the news constantly and he thinks that he is smart enough to synthesize his own opinion from it, but he usually just ends up parroting the smartest opinion that he hears; but remember, he is not that bright so the opinion that he chooses is never anything special. Brad is the liberal equivalent of the end-timers, convinced that every bad thing is a surefire portend that the world is on the brink of destruction. Like we haven’t been here so many time before.
“How could you disagree with me? It’s a fact, the more rights gay people get in this country, the more incidences of mass shootings. The more black millionaires we get in this country, the more black people killed by police officers. The more we close the gender gap,the more crazy stories emerge about gang raps. Our progress is pissing the old establishment off, big time.” Man is he handsome. His lips are so full and it’s hard not to imagine kissing him and feeling the stubble on his cheeks with my hand. I love to hold his face while I kiss him, it makes me feel in control, and I know that he likes it when I take control. I should kiss him now to shut him up, but he is smoking those unfiltered cigarettes that he knows I hate. I’m convinced he thinks they make him smarter, like he’s Hemingway or something. God, I hate how much he likes Hemingway.
“It’s so hard to watch the news these days, like, I feel so powerless. All this shit is just gonna keep happening you know. Obama can’t stop mass shootings. Hilary, Bernie, Trump, Cruz, Rubio, they can’t do anything at all but it’s their job right now to make us believe they can move mountains for us. When did it come to this?” We have been here before, dummy, this is where we’ve always been. But I won’t say that to him because when he gets riled up, his brow crumples and he looks so mean with those thick eyebrows slanting down on his eyes. He is such a beautiful man.
“Can I make you a sandwich?” I ask when he puts out the cigarette. I want to see that strong jawbone work, he is a beast when he eats, and it will cleanse the palate so that I can get that kiss. Of course he only wants meat on it, he would just roll up the cold cuts and eat them like that if he had it his way, but I civilize him; I even insist that he only eat wheat bread. And I don’t feed him processed meats because I don’t want to give him something else that will give him cancer; I roast beef and pork myself and practice slicing thin with a knife. All for my animal. My big, dumb animal.
“Thanks babe, you’re the best.” Aren’t I? “What are we gonna do, huh? You haven’t said anything.”
“Do about what?”
“All the shit, babe. Can you even imagine what our lives will be like in five years? If we even live that long. Maybe the ocean is gonna keep rising and drown us.” He takes big bites and I smile because it should be too much, but not for him, not for that jaw, that mouth. And he is quiet.
“All we can do is keep living. You keep it up, you’re gonna stress yourself to death. If everyone just relaxes, just stop worrying so much about what someone else is doing, we could all be fine.” He smiles back at me. That should shut him up for the rest of the day. But he’ll be back at it tomorrow. Maybe I should quit this now before he finishes the sandwich, before I have a chance to steal that kiss. Ahh fuck it, he’s done. I need those lips.
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