Zacchaeus (1) vs the Odd Man (0)
in Tunk (*Zacchaeus rules), best of 3
Game 2:
A two and seven of spades, ten and Queen of diamonds, and Jack of Hearts.
Zacchaeus draws a seven of hearts.
“Aren’t you curious about your grandmother’s secret? Why she even has a game at her table where a person can bet their life? Does she just enjoy killing people?”
She had explained it to him before, when he was in his twenties and Zacchaeus found out that rumors of Mavis Turner’s infamous game were true. His mother had always told him never to listen to the lies that people told about his grandmother, that people made up stories to demonize her because of her undeniable skill. But when he found out that people sometimes went into the backroom of the family’s bar known as the Canned Heat and were never seen again, he asked his grandmother about it. She’d explained to him that a long time ago, she accepted a bet from a man desperate to finish a hand of poker even though he had run out of money. He begged her to let him wager his life, and if she won, he was willing to be her slave. She joked that she was staunchly anit-slavery and laughed that if he lost, he could just kill himself. Mavis Turner let the man finish the hand to amuse herself and onlookers, not intending for the man to actually kill himself when she eventually beat him. But the man, devastated at his defeat, produced a gun that few noticed as they mocked him and laughed uproariously. He shot himself at the table and spectators ran from the backroom as fast as they could get through the door. Mavis sat staring at the corpse of the man who had been so desperate to win, or too addicted to stop, that he was willing to give his life. She decided that if anyone was that desperate, she would let them bet their lives in place of money because it would only bolster her dangerous reputation to lessen the chances of a disgruntled player attacking her. It made sense to Zacchaeus, he knew that everyone feared his grandmother and only thrill-seekers dared step into her backroom to challenge her.
“Black woman do what she got to do for respect,” Zacchaeus says.
“That’s an answer,” the strange man says. “It even makes a lot of sense. Black women are very low on the totem pole of people who command respect without actions and words. But does she actually kill the players who lose to her?”
The man’s smile makes Zacchaeus uneasy, but he doesn’t show it. He ignores the question. He discards the Queen of diamonds.
“So you bet your life hoping my grandma could use her magical deck of cards to what? Teleport your family to your house so you could save on airfare? Why would magical cards be able to do that?”
The strange man picks up the Queen of diamonds from the discards, then discards a seven of clubs. Zacchaeus picks it up and spreads with his sevens, then discards the Jack of hearts. The strange man sighs, but he continues talking as though nothing has changed.
“Because your grandmother is the human face of one of the most powerful users of magic on this planet, possibly in the universe. Even Wazad the Wonderful could not rid your planet of the menace of the Needy. He is the enchantment of your grandmother’s deck. Maybe he gives her luck and longevity, but the true enchantment is that the deck consumes humans whole and the Needy wipes them from existence.”
Zacchaeus laughs.
“The needy? Like poor people?”
“The Needy is an arcane being that has existed on Earth for at least a billion years…”
“Why you talking shit?” Zacchaeus interrupts, trying to control his laughter. “Quit making up stories and let’s wrap this up. Draw a card.”
The strange man draws a three of clubs that he discards. Zacchaeus shakes his head as he grabs it, then discards the ten of diamonds.
“Is this story any more hard to believe than Sublime technology that allows for travel to an alternate universe?”
“I done heard about the Sublime before and from other people. I ain’t never heard nobody talk about magic and shit before.”
The strange man draws a card from the deck then discards a nine of spades. Zacchaeus holds his cards as he listens to the man.
“Oh, but of course you have,” the strange man says with delight under his severe eyebrows. “You did survive the recent Ill Nights, no? You witnessed your entire world upended by the pollen of an ancient weed that almost completely dismantled human civilization as it exists, and decimated the human population. The being behind it all only gained access to your planet because of magic. No science currently available to any being of the universe is capable of movement from outside the universe, where Illuminatos resides, to any location inside of it. Only arcane knowledge can achieve that, which humanity refers to as magic.”
“So fuck you then,” Zacchaeus says. He is no longer laughing and is trying not to let the man’s conversation rattle him. What he says makes sense; if Zacchaeus believes that travel to an alternate universe is possible, why couldn’t he believe this story about his grandmother’s deck? He has witnessed strange things around the deck before.
“If my grandma magic,” Zacchaeus continues, “then she can just send me to another universe. I don’t need to Sublime.”
“What did she say when you set this all up?” the strange man asks. “I imagine you told her why you wanted to deny the Needy it’s prize.”
Zacchaeus is furious with the man who seems to have figured out his subterfuge in arranging this game. It’s almost as if the strange man expected to be alone in a room with him and talking to him about unbelievable things. None of it feels like a bluff to Zacchaeus, either. He’d played poker against the man and watched the game against his grandmother, Zacchaeus could tell when the man was bluffing.
“She said to enjoy that alternate universe,” Zacchaeus says, hiding his anger behind nonchalance, “’cause don’t nobody beat the Turners, not in the Canned Heat.”
“Your grandmother loves you a lot,” the strange man says. “You want to know how I know? Because denying the Needy a meal is no easy task. I hope it doesn’t cost you all something dear. And if your grandmother arranged all this for you, she must really care for you. She is bonded with the Needy. If you told her about your ambitions to Sublime to another universe, and she was aware how to do it with the vast arcane knowledge available to her through her connection to the Needy, she would have sent you to another universe to avoid the recompense that must be paid in the absence of the meal the Needy was promised. The Needy is a powerful arcane being of this universe, but the multiverse is not his purview.”
Zacchaeus glares at the man.
“I think we can put all of our proverbial cards on the table,” the man says, “we are nearing the endgame here and my odds of winning are not great. I knew you before you knew me Zacchaeus, and I got my job at COHH Inc because I learned of your interest in Sublime technology. I wanted to be useful to you, to become your mark so that you would get me a game with your grandmother. Even if I lost, I figured I could get you to spare me if I gave you what you wanted. I have a proposition for you, Zacchaeus. I can give you unlimited access to Sublime technology, not just one trip, if you will have your grandmother grant my simple wish. The Needy should be able to handle it, my family isn’t in another universe.”
“If you can sublime, why can’t you get your family yourself?”
“Lack of access to materials to build reliable teleportation technology. And the way that I arrived here is frustratingly inaccessible to me. I have exhausted all of my options. Mavis Turner is my only hope.”
The two are silent for a moment.
“What do you say?” the strange man asks. “I get what I want, you get what you want, plus a forever friend in myself who will always be indebted to your generosity. Who knows what other amazing technology COHH Inc has?”
It is a tempting offer.
PRL Serials 