“Why do you do things that I hate?”
“I don’t do them to make you mad, I’m just trying to keep sane.”
“You do understand that the things I hate are the things that hurt you? I hate to see you in pain.”
“I know, but some things that you think look painful, aren’t so bad. You have to trust me that I won’t kill myself.”
“I don’t…”
“Just let me…”
“No, I won’t lose you because you can’t distinguish between pain and pleasure. If you’re gonna ignore me…”
“Please don’t do this…”
“I’m leaving.”
“If you leave, I know it’ll only be pain. Don’t do me like that.”
“Then listen to me! Care for me like you pretend to…”
“You’re the only thing I care about. Can’t you see that I have no life without you? I don’t want anything if you’re not with me. I’ll die without you. Just the thought of life without you is killing me. Please.”
“Stop killing yourself. Please. If you love me, don’t make me watch you self destruct.”
“Please, don’t leave, just hear me out.”
“How the fuck did you get in here…”
“Please, I’m on my knees, please. I’m not here to cause any problems, I just…”
“Just what!”
“I had to see you again. I understand why you left…”
“You’re too much. You’re not supposed to be back here. If anyone finds you here, they’re gonna arrest you.”
“I know I pushed you away, I know that I hurt myself and part of me did it so you wouldn’t be able to let me go. I knew how much you cared, I was manipulative, I was childish. Most of the shit I did to you, I didn’t even realize it. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Is that it? That everything? Great, now get the fuck out of here before I lose my temper. You don’t get to hurt someone so bad, someone who only cared, then show up with an apology and expect everything to be ok. I trusted you with the most intimate parts of myself and you couldn’t care enough about me to stop doing the things that bothered me, things that only hurt you. Your vices, your comfort, your happiness meant more to you than I ever did and when I realized that I left.”
“I’m different. I know you don’t have any reason to trust me anymore, but I’m different.”
“I can’t do this. If you really care about me…”
“Love you, I fucking love you more than everything. More than myself.”
“If all that’s true, you’ll give me time, and space.”
“I really didn’t think you’d show up “
“Are you kidding? When I heard your voice…I was happy you called. How are you? Still working too hard?”
“You know me, can’t make sense of being idle.”
“I hope you got a better balance of it all now.”
“Yeah, I’m doing better. How have you been? I know the last time we talked…I really wasn’t ready, but I’ve been thinking about you…What?”
“After all this time, all my messiness, you still think about me?”
“Of course I still think about you. We got history, I can’t just throw that all away, even though I tried so hard.”
“I know that I hurt you and I don’t forgive myself for it, but I’ll do everything, anything, so you can. I’m really not the same person I was. Are you smiling and crying? Or just crying?”
“Both, it’s just so good to see you again. It really has been a lot lately and I just needed to see you, hear your voice again…Everything’s ok…I mean, Geb died…”
“I’m so sorry…”
“I guess I was just, I needed to be with someone who knows me.”
“I’m always here.”
“Will you come home with me?”
“I don’t think…”
“Fuck, what the hell am I doing? I’m sorry, I’ve been a bitch to you…”
“Stop, don’t do that. I want to be here for you, forever, for the rest of our lives and I will be. But I know how you’re hurting right now, and there’s a possibility you could wake up tomorrow and regret letting your grief get the best of you. I don’t want you to go home alone, put me on speaker and we’ll talk for as long as you need to “
“You really can be good at this when you want to be.”
“I learned from the best.”
“I got this for you.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to. I get that this is a crazy time.”
“You know I’ve missed you a lot? I tried to move on, but nobody is you.”
“Nobody’s you either. Can I pick you up this weekend?”
“Yes you can. Don’t be late.”
“Oh, I’ll be early.”
“Sorry, I called but…”
“Oh, hey. Come in. It’s crazy in here today, I haven’t had a chance to field many calls.
“Can I take you to lunch? It’s on me.”
“Sure, let me grab my phone.”
“This is a nice place, they have roast beef like you like it.”
“Thanks for this.”
“No problem. Can I ask you a personal question? Are you still not taking great care of yourself or have you finally grown up? You look really good.”
“You weren’t the only person I loved telling me to get my act together. Hell, I was telling myself. But it’s hard, impossible to just wake up a different person. And I was trying when you walked away. I know you were protecting yourself, I get that, but I just wish you could have seen it all from my perspective. It was slow torture watching myself push you away. I didn’t want to do it, but I wasn’t mature enough to stop it. I think I am now.”
“I have more patience than I used to. I can admit that I was scared and trying to minimalize damage, so I ran.”
“Don’t do this. Nobody’s perfect, but you saved me and I get that now.”
“I’m gonna head home, it was good hanging out. I really hope I can see you again soon.”
“You should come in…”
“You sure that’s ok?”
“I am.”
PRL Serials 