Religion has always been a source of mockery to Dae. It’s laughable to him that anyone would put so much emphasis on life after death. It was his belief that death brought a sense of relief from the trials of the real world and it actually made him a little mad to think that he would have to go through another existence after the one on earth was done. When does the soul rest if it just bounds from this life to another that is supposedly infinite, and why would anyone want that? Human’s require sleep to function and the act of shutting off the brain is restorative. There’s no mention of sleep in the afterlife. Just nonsensical notions of a lavish heaven. But why would heaven have features of worldly luxury? It was always Dae’s belief that the extra religious thought the earth was a sinful place that paled in comparison to the glories of heaven, but they are the ones promising streets of gold. Does gold have any value in a world better than this one? Isn’t gold, or money, the root of all evil?
It truly made no sense to Dae and he had largely avoided religion though most of the successful people that he had encountered in his life were often times very religious and he would feign their devotion to their doctrine to ingratiate himself with them.
In prison, life is so difficult, that Dae wants to believe in something. Something that he can latch on to so that he can push the thoughts of self harm from his mind. They get more vivid with each passing day. He thought about slitting his wrists with the shank that Truck usually kept handy, but sometimes trusted to him to stash in his colon during inspections. It smelled bad, but it would do the trick. He thought about provoking a white supremacist. They would gladly kill him then face consequences and Dae could die with the comfort that because of him, there would be one less nazi on the street for longer. Sometimes he doesn’t know why he cares to survive at all. Why survive a nightmarish existence when death offered the sweetest relief; the absence of everything.
Unless the Christians are right. Enough time alone with one’s thoughts can make a man question his firmly held beliefs
After his altercation that left him hospitalized, Dae goes back to being the mute person that he had learned to be. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone but Truck, who had been surprisingly concerned about him and had sought revenge on the man that beat him. When he meets the prison chaplain in the library one afternoon, Dae’s behavior alarmed the man. The chaplain had noticed Dae in the library before, reading intently and jumping anytime he heard a noise. When the man finally approaches Dae, he makes sure that Dae sees him coming and he smiles gently.
“I am Father Lavalle,” he says introducing himself and offering a hand.
Dae shakes hands and then gets back to the book that he is reading. It is a comic book, the X-Men’s Dark Phoenix saga. He’d found it crumpled up under a table and it had stains on it that made him wonder if the previous reader had been most interested in the sexually suggestive illustrations of the women.
“You read a lot,” Lavalle says. “And a variety of things, I see.”
Dae nods, never lifting his head from the book.
Lavalle sits at the table across from Dae.
“Have you read the bible?”
Dae shakes his head.
“It’s probably more interesting than that comic book. You should come to bible study…”
Dae interrupts him, “I haven’t been to a church in so long. It was nice to meet you.” He says, hoping that it will be enough for the man to move on.
“You know, Jean Grey in that book has a lot in common with Jesus…”
Dae sighs and pushes the book off the table. It falls to the floor and Dae puts both his elbows on the tabletop.
“That’s a false equivalency. The Phoenix Force in the Marvel Universe isn’t comparable to the God of the New Testament. Sure, on the surface their stories can seem to be parallel; both marked for an incredible destiny that they could not comprehend and forced to wield the inconceivable powers of a god, but Jean Grey didn’t have disciples. And her encounter with power didn’t make her a savior, it made her evil to everyone who knew her.”
The chaplain smiles.
“Come to bible study this week. It’s just thirty minutes. We read passages and discuss. Maybe you can meet people who are kind. That does exist in here whether you believe it or not.”
Dae thinks about it. Maybe this is what he needs. And if it isn’t, it wouldn’t really be a surprise. He would be no worse off than he already is.
PRL Serials 