When Tamarvan woke up, he felt a little disoriented. He had a headache and his mouth tasted bad, like he’d smoked cigarettes the day before, and he rolled out of bed with a groan.
“Good morning!” Mr. Smith called from the hallway.
“It’s still morning?” Tamarvan asked as Mr. Smith poked his head into the room.
“It’s three in the afternoon,” Mr. Smith said with a smirk.
“Ohh, I’m sorry that I came in so late and drunk last night,” Tamarvan apologized.
“Was it a good time or were you drowning your sadness about Yusef?”
Tamarvan shook his head and Mr. Smith leaned against the doorway.
“I shouldn’t have come back here,” Tamarvan said weakly. “I knew there was a reason I stayed away so long, but I put it away so far in the back of my mind that I forgot the details, you know?”
“You made it an instinct, I get it,” Mr. Smith said. “But you can’t bury things and expect for them to get better. Did you ever talk to anyone about Yusef? I remember trying to talk to you and not getting very far.”
“It’s hard to talk about. He was just my friend, it’s strange that it hurts so much.”
“Why would you say that?” Mr. Smith asked. He was perplexed. “You and Yusef and Roger were inseparable, you guys were so close and to lose someone that close at that age is traumatic, Tamarvan. It’s not strange to care about your friends. I know men struggle to show emotion with their friends because it’s not what we’re supposed to do, but all that does is make us feel isolated which is never good. I’m glad you came back. These are feelings you need to process. Ladoga is your home, you have family and friends here, this place should not be off limits.”
Tamarvan nodded thoughtfully. Of course Mr. Smith was right. His brother had teased him about his friends growing up because they didn’t do traditionally masculine things, they did scholarly, academic things for fun and Farashad always thought that was strange. But Tamarvan’s friends had been his shield and they protected and encouraged each other.
“Have you seen Roger since you been back?”
Tamarvan had called Roger but he was out of town with his family. He didn’t live in Ladoga, but close enough that he could drive to see him if he had been home. When they’d graduated from high school, the two had said goodbye like it was the last time they would see each, and when Tamarvan talked to him before going home, Roger was legitimately surprised to be talking to him.
“Maybe Roger is dealing with the same thing I am,” Tamarvan said. “I’m so mad Mr. Smith. I don’t know why, but just being here makes me mad and I got so drunk yesterday because I knew I was mad and I was trying not to bring that energy to the reunion. But I’m mad at my classmates because it felt like they didn’t really care about Yusef. And I want to know who killed him. It’s been so long, but maybe I can ask around and dig up some clues.”
“Maybe,” Mr. Smith said, “but don’t get too wrapped up in that. If you don’t find whoever it was, it could just make it all harder. You do need some closure on it though, whatever that may be. Get cleaned up, we’re going to your parents’ house for dinner.”
“You’re the best teacher a guy could ask for, Mr. Smith.”
“I haven’t been your teacher for half a decade.”
“Yeah, you’re like an uncle,” Tamarvan said and then staggered to the shower.
Tamarvan tried to enjoy the company of his family, and there were definitely moments where he was completely caught up in the love of his family, but his anger nagged at him. They left the Barnes household well after midnight, and Tamarvan stayed up late rocking in the chair on Mr. Smith’s porch. He called Viv.
“Oh, you’re alive,” she said when she answered.
“Just barely, thanks to you.”
“How much longer you here for?”
“I’m leaving tomorrow night, but I’ve been thinking. After I finish my program next year, I think I’m gonna move back. I’ve been thinking about what you said, and of course you’re right. I do want to change this place. I will change this place.”
“That’s awesome to hear. I’ll help you look for a place when you’re ready.”
“Cool. I was regretting coming back, but I feel like I have a purpose now. I’ll find a way to honor Yusef, I’ll make the town better in his name or die trying.”
PRL Serials 