Hey there readers. I’m sorry to say that there won’t be an issue 6 tomorrow, but I do want to assure you that it will arrive very soon so keep an eye out for it.
Today, I wanted to speak about my truth I guess because it’s related to the delay of the issue. I don’t normally talk about my personal life or feelings, especially compared to my fellow contributors who’ve made their everyday lives into serials for the entertainment and possibly education of our readers. I do my best to be honest, but I know that I am an enigmatic creature and the details of my real self can be hard to piece together.
I want to say first that I am a gay man. That should be fairly clear to anyone with their eyes on the PRL Serials blog for the last 5 or 6 years. Not only am I a gay man, but I met the love of my life back in 2015 and rather than it being cause for celebration, I ruined it, mostly because I’m not very comfortable with my sexuality. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever done a good job of hiding it, but I definitely have never worn it as a badge of honor. It’s strange to me to really identify myself as a gay man because being gay is like being tall, it’s just a fact of my being that I can’t change. But I think that might be a copout, I’ve never been forthcoming about my sexuality because I was ashamed, even if I wasn’t actively living a lie. Though I was kind of living a lie, but one that I allowed other people to fashion and that I failed to correct. Having a secret really does eat at you, even if it’s an open secret because you can’t talk honestly about your truth and I’m long over due for that. So I don’t want to have any secrets. I don’t want to live in a closet.
That said, my biggest struggle has been and continues to be my aversion to intimacy. Sex and intimacy are two very different things, and even though I am not a virgin, I’ve never had an intimate relationship with anyone because I guess I don’t like to be scrutinized that closely. And of course that impacts all of my life and my art and all of that so I have to figure out a way to deal with all that stuff and it starts with loving and accepting myself.
I had trouble getting issue 6 together because I was tied up in really bad sex habits that were fueled by the reality that this man that I care alot about has found happiness without me and I just have to accept that. I get upset because I never believed in the concept, the idea of finding someone who is compatible in every way that matters – usually we cobble together a soulmate from the many relationships we enjoy and different people satisfy different things in our lives. There is a lot of unrealistic pressure in love and relationships that make the notion of a soulmate seem naive and even regressive. But I think soulmate is a misnomer. What we want is someone who allows us to be our best selves, and we hope to inspire the same in that person. We don’t want the person who compliments us perfectly per se, we want the person who sees the version of us that we want the most to be and brings that out of us without even really trying. Maybe I should say me, but I think that’s what love really is, it’s just selfish enough to be believably human, which love is.
So I was grappling with those feelings and I got caught up doing stupid stuff and I let my contributors down. They’re used to it, just look at the publication dates on Volume II. I’ve gotten better at not allowing outside things to ruin the PRL experience, but I need to find better ways to cope and do the things that I love, namely, bringing you the best serial fiction on the internet. I am proud to do the work that I do here and there’s so much of me in each and every issue and story. I’m glad to share it all and I hope it brings joy to someone somewhere.
I wanted to sincerely apologize for the delay and the website occasionally disappearing, that’s me processing my feelings in immature ways.
I love serial stories and I want to tell them forever. I’m happy with the work after the Hyperion Universe stuff from Vols. I-VI. Working on the novel version of the Hyperion story has been fun and hard all at the same time, but it is coming and hopefully it’ll be worth the wait. Volume 1 is a good jumping on point, but it’s also a nice continuation of the periodical that any loyal reader would recognize. It’s fun to explore things in writing and to have a place for them, a reason to really bat ideas around.
Thank you for reading this. Thank you for being here. Please come back soon for the continuation of Vol. 1. Enjoy your summer and be safe out there.
PRL Serials 