On the first day of group therapy, Dr. Geoffrey smiled around at everyone. They met on the first floor and even though they had all moved into Dix Hill a few weeks prior, this was their first formal introduction to one another in a group session.
“I hope that you all are as excited as I am for the work we will do while we’re here,” Dr. Geoffrey said as he tried to make eye contact with each of his patients. “This is a temporary program and I know that we can make significant progress here over the next six months so that each one of you can be released to family or on your own, rather than going into another long-term residential program. I’ve spoken with all of you individually and I know that you share my aspiration, and the work to realize that goal starts today.”
Most of the patients were alert and nodded along with his words, a few seemed to only be there because they had to be and they stared off into nothing.
“I’m excited to start today and I hope you all know that this is a safe space. We can all share freely, and we should if any if this will be an effective use of our time. To get the ball rolling, I wanted to share a little about myself. I want you all to know that I understand, I know what it’s like to lose everyone that you love and what it means to feel truly alone in the world. I lost my partner and my parents in the same month, it was hard and until I learned to process the loss and to talk about it, u was stuck in a sorrow that I was sure would drown me. Learning to talk about it helped me to cope and I know that it can help you. So let’s go around and introduce ourselves, and I’m going to ask each of you to detail the loss that brought you here.”
Each patient introduced themselves and most had trouble detailing the loss of their loved ones. Everyone in the room was technically alone; no spouse, no siblings, no children or parents and this loss had left each of them unable to carry on productive lives. There was an even mix of men and women who ranged in age from thirty to fifty and Dr. Geoffrey had to brace himself against each story as they went around the room. Vances, Tom and Pete had lost their families in house fires. Dan, Tracy and Olive lost their families to car accidents. Juana and Ibrahim first lost their families to deportation from the US before they became casualties of war and violence in their home countries. Carol, Jeff, and Lucy had each spent less than five years in prison and lost all of their families less than a year after their release.
“Thank you all,” Dr. Geoffrey said. “I know it can be difficult to talk about, but learning to tell the story without breaking down is an important step of the healing process.”
“How did you lose your family?” Juana asked.
“Well,” Dr. Geoffrey said, clearing his throat. “All of my family died under mysterious circumstances. The deaths of my partner and older sister are still open murder investigations and it’s possible that the death of my parents was somehow related.”
“That’s messed up,” Jeff said. He seemed genuinely hurt for Dr. Geoffrey. “You ever worry somebody might be coming after you, then?”
The doctor nodded slowly.
“Of course. I couldn’t leave my house for a few years and even after I did, I was paranoid in public. But I’m still here and all I can do is live my life and try to find joy in it. It is possible, you should all realize that. I was in a very low place, I’m sure you all know it, and with steady work and reaching out for help when I needed it, I’ve managed to find the joy I thought was gone forever.”
“After the accident,” Olive said, “I couldn’t even look at cars. I would just freeze up and it was like I left my body. Thank God for my friends, they were so patient with me at first and they helped me however they could. I didn’t see the sun for over a year.”
“Oh God,” Tracy said and put her hands over her face, “it’s coming on now.” She started to cry and the graduate student who had been sitting next to the doctor in the circle, got up to console her. Eventually he took her out of the room so the group session could continue.
“What we experienced is traumatic,” the doctor said to everyone. “Our reaction to it is justified, it’s normal, it’s human. We are human beings and we lost all of the people that gave us purpose and love, the people that were pillars of our everyday life. So we get to grieve, we get to wallow, but not forever. It’s not what those people would want for us. We can’t get bogged down in guilt. Don’t deny yourself anything, acknowledge how you feel, but there is joy and we have to remind ourselves of that.”
“I don’t like being on medicine,” Tom said. “I get what you saying, and I took the loss of my family so hard. And I want something like normal back, so I’m ready to talk it out like this and learn a better way forward. But the medicine, it make me feel lost in myself sometimes. Like I’m far away from the present.”
The doctor nodded.
“I’ll look carefully at your medications and we will see what we can do,” he said sincerely. “If it’s possible for any of you to find your balance without drugs, we will get there responsibly.”
“I shouldn’t even be here,” Vances said angrily. It was an outburst compared to the energy of the conversation to that point, but she wasn’t particularly loud. “The state admitted that I’m not crazy when they let me go. They blamed me for starting the fire, then said I was crazy when I told them what I know happened. If it wasn’t for my lawyer friend, I would probably still be in jail, but she cleared me of all charges which means I ain’t crazy.”
“You’re not here because you’re crazy,” the doctor said gently. “It’s like Tom said, we’re just here to learn a better way to get along, to find a new normal that brings us joy.”
Vances nodded and looked down at the floor.
“I like y’all,” she admitted. “This the nicest place I been to since this all happened. I know I was traumatized dealing with all that mess, and I need help for that. And then I’m gonna find the man who burned my house down and killed my family.”
“Once we learn to process our trauma and realize our strengths and the joy around us, we’ll be able to do all sorts of things.”
The doctor was well aware of Vances’ story and he didn’t want to encourage what may have been a delusion as mentioned in her records. She believed that a man from her past, a man that she’d met in college, was exacting a twisted revenge on her for rejecting his friendship.
The group session continued and Dr. Geoffrey was happy with the engagement of all of the patients. Vances mentioned the man who killed her family a few more times, but things went well and he looked forward to their next session together.
PRL Serials 