Recently I was at an Earth Fare in Asheville. I went to the city to meet with my father-in-law Hugo who lives there. He moved after a visit five or so years ago and I’ve enjoyed having him closer. I talk to my own father regularly, we check in once a week to catch up, but he lives far enough away that I don’t see him regularly. Hugo is a good substitute. He grew up in the country of Colombia, but he’s lived for decades in the US, New York specifically, and I appreciate his world-view.
Valeria likes that we get along and she very much likes that her father lives closer to us and we visit him and his family when we’re in Asheville.
I had stopped at the Earth Fare because my friend, and fellow PRL Contributor, Roy, recommended that I try their peanut butter; there aren’t many Earth Fare stores, but there is one in Asheville and in Rock Hill, South Carolina. Roy talks about their peanut butter like it is the greatest thing in life; “You can grind it in the store!” he always says with the most enthusiasm that I ever hear him talk about anything. His favorite is made from honey roasted peanuts, and I’ll admit that it is really good, but it’s more of a dessert thing than regular peanut butter. It’s awesome on cinnamon rolls and cookies.
Hugo met me at a coffee shop nearby and I told him about everything going on with me and Valeria as we supper coffee and enjoyed blueberry muffins.
“I love my daughter,” Hugo said, “and it is not possible for me to be more proud of her than I am. She has always had an interest in making a difference, making life better for everyone, and she chose science as her means to do that. I’m not surprised that she’s uninterested in children, I never really imagined her as a mother, though I’m sure she’d be good at it.”
“She is a good mother,” I said, “but whether or not we need to have more children together is another matter and I respect her decision. She loves my daughters, they love her, but being pregnant will be hard with her work schedule. If I could I’d carry the baby, but I didn’t particularly want more children myself. I just don’t hate the idea of it and I wanted to make sure that Valeria wasn’t against having children because she thought I didn’t want more. But that is not the case and now it’s in my head and she says it’s my decision because she won’t deny me that if I want it.”
“It seems like you want a kid,” Hugo said and then took a big bite of his muffin. He nodded as he chewed, staring at me knowingly, and then he sipped coffee. “Don’t over complicate it, admit it and then do the pros and cons of it’s worth it to bother Val about it anymore. Having a child with someone is not necessary for any romantic love to matter, but it is a wonderful privilege and I’m thankful for my children. My late wife lives in Valeria. It would be nice if you two could have a daughter who will be both my wife and yours.”
I shook my head suspiciously at Hugo. He lifted both his hands in surrender.
“Ok, I might like the idea of Valeria having a baby,” he said jokingly. “But it’s your family and you have to consider everything. I would be a grandfather, so I’m biased in that direction.”
I sat thoughtfully with my muffin.
“It’s weighing heavy on you, isn’t it,” Hugo said after a minute. “I bet you’re dreaming about it.”
I nodded. He continued.
“When I met my wife and she told me she wanted to have five kids, I was nervous. I was thinking two at most, and we eventually worked it out. But I was scared, or maybe not scared but just feeling all that pressure to protect and provide for more kids. Everything worked out alright, the kids are older and I’m doing well. I guess, no matter what decision you make, you’re a good man and you’ll figure out a way to make a happy life for the people you care about most.”
This gave me some comfort. Whichever decision I make, I can still be happy.
“I don’t envy the place you’re in. I remember I had this dream…”
The Baby Nightmares 2 – Hugo’s Dream
“I was in Medellin, at my uncle’s house. He lived in a nice house along this dirt road. It was the dustiest place I can ever remember, dust everywhere. You couldn’t wear anything white.
“But I was standing in the road in front of my uncle’s house, I was however old I was, maybe your age and the dust was flying all around me. I felt like a cowboy, Clint Eastwood. I hear my wife calling me, screaming for help, and there are the screams of children. I know it’s my children, but not Valeria. I run in search of them, but I can barely see in all the dust, and it seems like the source of their screams are being swept around by the wind.
“I felt helpless in all that dust and pretty soon, I dropped to my knees. I wanted to disappear, it felt so impossible.
“I woke up pretty rattled,” Hugo said. “The next night, I dreamed that I found them. One time I dreamed that I was Will Smith in I Am Legend. It’s ok to be scared, or nervous. But don’t let that dictate your decision, you can overcome whatever.”
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