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from the blog the stuff that happens:
August 15, 20XX
I wish I could say that the past however many months of my life have been a joke that I was playing on the internet. I wish that I had better ways of processing my feelings, that I had people closer that I could talk these things out with so that I wouldn’t have to unload everything like I did.
It feels like I went from one crazy, improbable romance to the next (you won’t believe the last guy, I’ll just say that his head is swimming in space) and I can’t stress how little I wanted that stuff in the first place. I didn’t ask for it, but I guess over time, the thought was beautiful enough that I ignored my better nature.
I haven’t talked to the guy who supposedly loves me in a while. I sent him message after message and nothing. He has an excuse for it if I do ever talk to him again. I want to say that it was all a hoax. I got catfished by someone who was bored and needed someone hanging on their words. I guess I needed someone to hang on to. But whatever it was, it taught me something important. You never know who’s out there. You can never know who is reading you and falling in love, or seething in hate. Unless they want you to know.
The internet is like this huge space that we all bounce around inside of, colliding with each other, becoming stronger or weaker. Most people would say it’s a chaotic space with no real order unless you make it. Well, I only did one thing on the internet on purpose and that was vent my feelings. What happened next felt random, but it wasn’t. I believe that everything happens for a reason and we all eventually find our way after struggling aimlessly. We are all looking for the end of our road.
He said that he loved me and the way he said it made me believe it. But he is gone now.
If you’re there, thank you. I really needed you when you first got in touch. You may have saved my life. I hope that your life is good.
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