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Ivan now begrudgingly jogs in the morning after Clay leaves for work. He is too ashamed to run with Clay, who can go for miles without breaking a sweat, and he is trying to increase his endurance so the two can exercise together. Ivan also tried his hand at the jump rope, but after watching Clay skip the rope in a blur for a solid twenty minutes, he was discouraged.
Today, when Ivan is on the sidewalk jogging back to Clay’s house, sweat pouring down his face and soaking his shirt, he hears a whistle, like a catcall that makes him stop fast and look around himself. He sees a black man approach him from behind. He is tall, but not as tall as Ivan, and he has a sheepish grin on his face. The man is handsome and the way that he dresses adds to his air of trustworthiness. He is wearing a button down white shirt that is tucked into khakis, and the hair on his head and face is neatly groomed.
Ivan faces the man as he approaches and when he is close, the man says,
“I’m sorry, I hope I’m not being too forward, but I notice you jogging some mornings. You a fine looking dude, if you don’t mind me saying.” The man smiles and shows his teeth that are big and white. Ivan can’t help but smile with him and he blushes.
“Thank you, that is kind of you to say.”
The man takes a step closer to Ivan, close enough that Ivan smells his cologne. The man extends a hand to introduce himself.
“I’m Danny,” he says, still smiling.
“Ivan.”
“Ivan. I’ll remember that.” The man looks Ivan up and down. “You live around here?”
“I do, I live with my boyfriend right over there,” Ivan says.
The man groans, “Ah, man, that’s not what I wanted to hear.”
Ivan is confused and the man notices.
“I was hoping we could spend some time together.”
Ivan steps back and laughs. “No, no, no. I’m very much taken.”
The man approaches and grabs one of Ivan’s hands. “You happy?”
Ivan doesn’t hesitate, “Extremely. It was nice to meet you Danny.” Ivan turns to go to the house but feels a firm grip on his arm. A shot of alarm runs through his body and his eyes flash green. A fury of green fire explodes around him and the force knocks Danny onto his back.
Ivan quickly powers down and rushes to help Danny, who still has the full smile on his face that shows his teeth.
“What was that?” Danny asks.
Ivan kneels next to him and when he is close, Danny kisses him. Ivan doesn’t react fast enough to avoid it and Danny takes advantage, grabbing Ivan’s head with both his hands.
Ivan pushes him off and both men stand.
“You something special, ain’t you?” Danny says. “Most people can’t catch on fire that don’t spread on anything.”
“It wasn’t anything…” Ivan says backing away, stunned that the man had kissed him.
The man grabs Ivan around his waist and he is too stunned to resist. He kisses Ivan’s cheek, then produces Ivan’s cell phone that he had slipped from his pocket. Ivan watches as Danny puts his number into his phone and after he returns it, Danny strolls away.
“Call me!”
Ivan stumbles back to Clay’s house.
The man that Daphne called for Laura, got the name Desperation because everyone who loved him thought he was in desperate need of help that only the good Lord could give him. He had been a violent person for much of his life, but his mother will tell you that before Desperation killed his father, he was just a normal boy like her other sons.
“He the way he is now cause he saw his father beating up on me,” she will say if you ask her. “I’ll never forget that day, that silver stuff on his face, his daddy must’ve got into something before he got home, had silver stuff on his clothes. But I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and that man lost his mind. Danny took care of him though. I betcha he ain’t hitting nobody else.”
Desperation never served any time for the murder of his father; the authorities rightly viewed it as self defense. He hasn’t ever served time for any of the murders he has committed. Desperation Jackson is like a myth to local law enforcement who listen to stories of a hood assassin with incredulity. No one born in the part of town that Desperation is from has ever proven savvy enough to evade capture for a murder that the police were motivated to solve and they can’t believe that there is a murderer under their noses responsible for nearly a hundred deaths that spanned only about a decade.
The man Desperation was changed in his youth. Most believe that killing his father made him dead inside, and maybe that does account for his bloodlust. His reputation as the best hired gun in the state wasn’t gained because of his willingness to kill, but because of his ability to avoid attention. He was good enough to end his targets with stealth, often without them even knowing that they were being pursued.
When Clay is off work later in the day, he finds Ivan sitting nervously in the living room. There is no welcome home kiss and Clay worries at the look on Ivan’s face.
“Everything alright?” Clay asks, sure that his conflict with the drug dealer/purveyor of prostitution had somehow upset Ivan.
“I kissed someone.” Ivan said, not able to make eye contact.
Clay’s pulse quickens and he stands before Ivan controlling his anger at the news.
“You can be mad at me. I didn’t want to do it.” Ivan starts and he looks up at Clay with tears in his eyes.
“Why did you?” Clay growls.
“He did it, it happened too fast for me to stop it.” Ivan stands and there are tears on his cheeks. “It happened so fast. I can show you…” Ivan lifts a hand to touch Clay’s face, to make him see the interaction, but Clay swats the hand away.
“You let somebody kiss you?” Clay asks, his voice rumbles Ivan’s insides.
“Clay, there’s no one in the world I want to kiss other than you. It all just happened really fast, before I could stop it…”
“Who was it!” Clay tells.
“His name is Danny, I never met him before. I’ve never seen him around here before. Clay, please…” Ivan tries again to touch him, but Clay storms out of the front door and Ivan is close behind. When they are outside, they both see the man Danny standing on the sidewalk in front of Clay’s house. He waves when he sees the two men and he smiles big enough to show his teeth.
“That’s him,” Ivan says and he stands before Clay. “Don’t do anything stupid Clay.”
Clay glares at Ivan and Ivan shrinks back.
“Hey sweetness!” Danny calls from the sidewalk. “I think your man found somebody he like kissing better than you!”
Clay’s muscles reinforce and Ivan watches him expand. Danny is watching too and the display makes his smile grow bigger.
“They wasn’t lying about you was they?” Danny says and he slowly approaches the couple on Clay’s doorstep.
Ivan tries to talk Clay down. It is clear to him that the man Danny means to agitate Clay and it is definitely working.
“Clay, this feels like a trap. You have to ignore him.” Ivan pleads.
“Leave.” Clay growls.
“I can’t do that.” Ivan says
Clay looks Ivan in the eyes. “Leave now.”
Ivan cries. “I won’t let you get into trouble.”
When Danny is close, he calls to the couple, “I’ll leave you all alone. Ivan, you got my number, baby, call me whenever. And you big man, me and you got things to talk about.”
Danny smiles and leaves. Clay growls loudly enough that Ivan jumps, but his eyes are glowing green and he manages to bring some calm to Clay’s mind. When Danny is gone, Clay has seen the interaction that Ivan had with the man, Ivan had pushed it into his mind, but that truth only makes Clay more upset.
“Who the fuck is he?” Clay asks.
“I don’t know, I promise you.”
Clay grabs Ivan’s arms close to the shoulder and he squeezes hard. Ivan is in pain but doesn’t protest. “Don’t let anyone touch you… “
Ivan rips his arm from Clay’s grip. “I’m not your thing, Clay! I’m not a toy that you don’t want to share. Why are you mad at me? I didn’t want to be kissed.”
Clay’s sister Brittany comes out of the front door wiping sleep from her eyes.
“What is going on out here?”
“You both need to leave.” Clay says. “At least until I take care of all this.”
“You think it has something to do with the drug dealer,” Ivan asks, rubbing the spot on his arm where Clay had grabbed him.
“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Clay looks to Ivan. “I’m sorry. You know better than I do that you have to leave. Take Brittany with you. Keep her safe.”
Ivan nods and before he can say anything, Clay says, “You know I’m sorry. I love you.” He tries to kiss him, but Ivan waves it away.
“We’ll find some place to go.” Ivan goes back inside with Brittany.
Clay stands, shrinking to normal size on the front porch. He closes his eyes and he hates himself. He wanted to hurt Ivan at the news that he had let someone kiss him. The details don’t matter. What the fuck is wrong with me, he asks himself.
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