Love as Power – Issue 5 – Reignite –

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Time to Read:

8–11 minutes

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Previously on Old Man Young and the Bronx Avenger, It’s Hardly Ever Sonny… – Issue 10

“What on earth have we got here?” Young changes the subject. “This drug related? It’s like a quarantine in there.”

Ivan shakes his head again. “It’s definitely not drug related. Whatever they found, they had to call the CDC out. I haven’t been able to get near it detective, but I’m supposed to brief you when they finish their report. I’m sure they’re gonna take the body with them when they’re done; it’s all messed up from what I could get a glimpse of. Wish I had more to tell you.” But Ivan is not being completely truthful with the detective. He has seen bodies like the one in the room before and he had followed a trail of them all the way to Knoxville to put a stop to it…

– Reignite – Issue 5 

“Why did you leave me?” Clay doesn’t yell, but he is forceful. He stands next to his car with Ivan, the man that he loves, and they are no longer glowing green. 

Ivan smiles weakly. “I can never leave you.”

Clay is overcome by emotion and he makes a noise like a growl, then hits the top of his car, crumbling the metal under his fist with no effort. “Ivan, tell me why you left NC. We were together… I thought you liked me…I love you…” Clay is yelling now.

“Clay, we are always together, even if…”

“No!” Clay barks and it shakes the leaves in nearby trees. “No, Ivan, you don’t get to do that right now. I don’t need philosophical reassurance. We were together and then you left. Tell me why I wasn’t good enough for you. What did I do wrong?”

Ivan is shocked to see Clay so hurt and angry. Since the day that he showed up at the hospital where Ivan was treated for a gunshot wound to his leg, Ivan has never seen Clay so angry with him. He was aware of Clay’s temper, he had witnessed it when the two were out together one day and were heckled by homophobes who tried to make them feel ashamed of their love. It was a group of four guys about their age, and as soon as Clay heard them form their mouths to call them faggots, he was on them, strategically punching to incapacitate before they even knew what was happening. Ivan was horrified. He felt Clay’s hatred, the rage that boiled in his belly, he could see through his eyes, how his vision went red, and he felt that Clay was acting without thinking. He didn’t have to think. Clay had been trained most of his life to use his fists. When the ordeal was done, Ivan was speechless and Clay grabbed his hand and continued walking. 

“Why did you do that?” Ivan asked. He was afraid of Clay in that moment. 

Clay didn’t want to talk. He was embarrassed. He could feel Ivan’s shock and horror, his fear. He didn’t want Ivan to be afraid of him, and he was afraid that if he said anything in that moment, it would startle Ivan and he might lose him forever. 

Ivan stopped Clay on the sidewalk. His voice trembled and it seemed that he was on the verge of tears. “You can’t do that…”

“I did it for you!” Clay interrupted. “I told you, I’m here to protect you, that includes from disrespect.”

“I would never ask you to hurt someone for me.” Ivan moved close to Clay and held his face in his hands. He loved the way Clay’s jaw was square, it made his face older and more manly; Ivan couldn’t help but love him and when he looked into Clay’s eyes, he saw the soul that he had been unknowingly waiting for all of his life. It was hard to comprehend that this man who loved him was capable of the violence that made his soul ignite into a fury. And it was hard to feel that rage inside of himself.

The intensity that Clay displays next to his car, all of it directed at Ivan, is overwhelming.

“I want you to understand that all of this is still so crazy and new to me, Clay, but there’s no time for an explanation. Not with that woman out there. She can’t control herself, Clay. We can stop her.” Ivan wraps his arms around Clay’s neck and smells him for the first time in a long time. He loves that Clay doesn’t use cologne and he enjoys the mix of his deodorant and the cocoa butter he uses on his skin. It feels right when Clay wraps his arms around Ivan’s waist and Ivan wants to kiss him, but Clay is mad again and he grabs at Ivan’s wrists behind his neck, pushing Ivan away.

“I waited for you, I called you. I fucking died, Ivan! Why couldn’t you talk me?” Clay asks.

Ivan doesn’t know how to answer. The past year of his life had been a blur; he graduated and left home and even killed a man in self defense. It had all happened so fast and he was only following the feeling in him that made the mysterious monster of a woman roaming the woods of TN his responsibility. Ivan wasn’t sure exactly who she was, only that he felt her presence shortly after he returned home from the hospital when he lived with his parents in NC and was shot in the leg, right after he’d met Clay. 

“I knew you would come.” Ivan says, ashamed and not able to look at Clay in the eyes. “I knew you would put yourself in danger for me…”

“And?” Clay could see that Ivan had more to say but was uncomfortable to continue. 

“And…Clay, I don’t want you to think…”

“Just say it Ivan.” Clay growls.

 “I don’t know if you can control yourself when you get mad. That woman is scary and intimidating, but she is scared and she needs help.”

Clay shakes his head. He is reeling at the revelation that Ivan did not think he could control himself. He has to sit and he pushes absently past Ivan and plops down next to a tree. Ivan chokes back tears and he knows that he has hurt Clay. He approaches cautiously.

“I know that you are very disciplined. You have endless patience and you only act in response to a threat, those are the principles that you live by.” Ivan shifts his position when Clay looks away and he kneels in front of him, gently grabbing Clay’s chin and forcing eye contact. “But you explode when it comes to me. I’ve seen it and I hate it. You are never so filled with hatred until you think that I am in danger. I couldn’t risk you coming here and hurting someone or getting hurt yourself.”

Ivan’s tears have betrayed him and they fall slowly down his cheeks.

“That’s fucking stupid, Ivan. It’s the worst thing you could have done if you didn’t want me to worry…”

“It was the path of least worry, Clay, please trust me.”

Clay wipes the tears from Ivan’s face and Ivan nestles in his lap. His year has been very long and fraught with dangers that Clay would yell about when he learned of them, but in this moment, Ivan feels safe for the first time since he left Clay.

Clay can’t be as angry as he wants to be for long, not with Ivan in his arms.

“Let’s go home.” Ivan says after a while.

“To NC?” 

“No. To my apartment. I’m gonna be here for a while Clay, as long as she is here.”

Clay shakes his head. “You have a lot of explaining to do, my man. Why were you glowing earlier? How was I able to smash my hood after you electrocuted me, I think you electrocuted me. Are you magic or something? Am I magic? I died, Ivan. Earlier today, or yesterday, whatever fucking day it is. I was shot in my backyard, but I am here, no injuries, and I get to smell you and kiss you. Why is that? What the fuck is going on?”

“We have forever to figure that out.” Ivan stands and helps Clay stand. “Let’s go home and I can tell you what I know.”

The two leave the wreck of Clay’s car in the woods and Ivan calls a friend for a ride. While the two wait, Ivan tries to tell Clay about his grandfather and the destiny that an old high school friend had helped him realize for himself that was apparently manifesting as abilities that he did not fully comprehend. But Clay was exhausted and he, too, had felt safety and comfort for the first time since the couple’s separation, and he relaxed enough to fall asleep with his head in Ivan’s lap. When their ride arrives, Ivan kisses Clay awake. 

“Let’s go, Sonny’s here.”

Clay is groggy and shaking off sleep as Ivan leads him to the car and Clay sits in the backseat. When they are inside, Ivan introduces him to Sonny.

“He’s been my roommate for a little while,” Ivan explained. “We’ve been through alot together.”

Clay watches the way Ivan smiles at Sonny. 

“Yeah, we have.” Sonny says. “This my partner, here. Ivan is a good man.”

Clay feels his temperature rise and he starts to breathe heavily.

“It’s been good to have someone I can trust out here.” Ivan says, not noticing that the rage in Clay that he hates so much is growing.

He left me and found someone else, Clay thinks and with each breath he inhales, the muscles of his body reinforce and expand slightly. He isn’t listening as Ivan and Sonny recount their adventures with the Knoxville Police Department. Clay is starring bullets at the back of Sonny’s head.  

After Sonny parks at the complex where he and Ivan live, Clay pushes open his door in a hurry and slams it loudly enough to shake the car, and the two men still inside are caught off guard by the force that rocks the car up onto two wheels before it tumbles back on all fours. 

Clay is at the driver’s side door in a split second and he rips it off like it is not made of metal. He grabs the back of Sonny’s neck, yanks him from the car, and tosses him across the parking lot. Before he can continue his rampage, Ivan is in front of him and his eyes are glowing green. Clay stops, transfixed.

“This is what I’m talking about.” Ivan says, exasperated. 

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