Spread the sign, bring truth to the blind…
Everything has been a haze lately, like I’m permanently drugged and the world I navigate is that oil painting, dream world I visit when I sleep. I want it to mean that I am better than I was before, not just drugged out on whatever it is Katrina has me addicted to. I trust her with my life, so I don’t question her when she shoves pills down my throat when we have sex these days. She says it helps her give me what I need so that I stay loyal and true, not to her, but to the Angled One of course, because I could prove to be his best follower yet.
I said before that many people had high hopes for me, many people were rooting for me to succeed; well I know now that that is all bullshit. The Angled One is the only one who has ever believed in me, I have been making him proud for decades now; when I gave him my weaknesses and let him breathe through me, too afraid to acquiesce to simple social interactions for fear of perceived failure and seeding disappointments in others to make them cynical and bitter and susceptible to His influence. For his vision is clear and true, we have reason to be cynical and bitter because we are nothing after all, we were created to pollute and then die, but understand I am leaning happily into that nihilism because the Angled One has taught me that even the pointless horror has its rulers and I can be one of them. I can satisfy my simplest desires over and over again and nothing is more important than now.
“Do you love me?” Katrina asked as we approached our greatest offering to both the Angled One and the Enlightened One.
“I love the One in you,” I told her, and she smiled.
We held hands and dropped the robes we wore in full view of hundreds of people, the sign of Illuminatos on our backs for the world on the busy street to see. We had sex standing up, and then she took her own life, she sliced open her own neck, because I refused to kill her like she had planned. But it worked despite my weakness, Illuminatos was everywhere after that.
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